If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Randomize
