I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
