remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
