i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
