I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
