just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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