i barfeds in our rink
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
