Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
