Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
