We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
