Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
