You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
