the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
