apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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