Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
