My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
