oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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