I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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