i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
