Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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