Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
