I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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