Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Randomize
