Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
