I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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