Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I need water and some morals
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
