Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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