Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
