That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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