Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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