i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
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Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
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I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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