Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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