this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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