am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
