Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
