Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Randomize
