My liver just broke up with me...
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
