Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
