Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
