If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
