Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
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Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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