Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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