they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize