ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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