I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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