No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I want to fling myself into the sun
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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