When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
