good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I am midnight drunk by noon
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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