He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
