Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
