I just saw a hot homeless man
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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