can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
