Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Randomize
