I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize