Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
