After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
