You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
