after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize