i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
