I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
