so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
