We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
