please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
