im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
