This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
