Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
