and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
