Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
