found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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