he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
