Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
