I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I think people are normalizing furries
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
