his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
